My Happy Place

I have a Happy Place. Let me explain it to you. I sit on the left side of a large, soft but firm rectangle that is covered in a few different fabrics. I spend about 9 hours a day on it with a few breaks to check on the kids when they need me and feed the baby etc. I like to remain very still for hours at a time and I do my best not to think about anything at all. I even turn out the lights to keep the distraction down to a minimum. Ok, its my bed. Bed just didn't sound very interesting. It's not really the sleep that is my favorite part though. Ehemm.....not the sex either but that IS good and fun but is not my Happy Place still. Before we had kids we would spend most Saturdays in bed for hours. We would have several cups of tea spread over the whole morning and we would read together or separately, scan the paper, do crossword puzzles and congratulate ourselves on our intelligence:) Sex would me mingled in and amongst those activities as would more sleep and we would finally get up around lunch time. Those days are far behind us now but the echoes of those special times appear in other places and moments in my life.
Now, my Happy Place usually appears around 9 or 10pm when I get into bed. John has to be there in order for it to truly be The Place. If we get into bed around 11pm the Happy Place is gone since sleep is already due. I must be wearing my red night dress (short with crisscross frills on the front and super stretchy and soft). My bedside table has my glass of water, my bible, a good escape book like the Outlander series, my clock (I've had on my bedside table since 9th grade) and my lamp that shines light for reading but not all over the room so whatever babies are sleeping with us stay undisturbed. (our babies stay in the room in bassinets or cribs until about 12 months.) John usually reads or has the laptop doing fantasy baseball or email etc. There are lots of pillows to prop us up against the headboard (I would LOVE to have a bed with a padded headboard that leaned slightly back to facilitate sitting up comfortably in bed). On my dresser next to the bed we have an electric kettle to boil water for tea. Before bed at night I make sure that the kettle is full of filtered water and that there is a little jar of milk for the morning. This way we don't have to walk past the kids' room early in the morning and wake them up before we have had our tea. Sometimes we have chamomile or peppermint tea at night in bed and sometimes we have a little scotch. (I love to have scotch while I read my Outlander books since they are set in Scotland and everyone is always drinking whiskey in the story! (I sound like an obsessive fan of the series....be assured that I am. Romance, adventure, history, GREAT writing, sex, science fiction...not science-fiction-sex....that would be weird, and lovable characters...who doesn't like all that?!)
So, sitting reading with John after a busy day, feeling our legs and feet touching warmly under the covers, smelling the familiar man smell from my husband (nothing gross just the familiar scent of a beloved spouse). The knowledge that our children are all safe in their beds (as my Dad used to say, "all of our hearts beating under the same roof"...we are so alike Dad. ) gives me a peaceful feeling that all is well in the world.

Simplifying

Time for a new start at blogging. I have been paring down my life so much in hopes of getting rid of things that draw too much attention away from my marriage and family. I said goodbye to Facebook as I found myself logging on 3-4 times a day (usually while nursing Henry) and I realized that I was missing out on being present with my baby son. I was close to cutting out Craigslist but decided to keep it since I am always able to find cool usable items in the "free" section. Just today the kids and I made a trip to another house on the other side of town to get a cool rocket tent for them to play in as well as a guitar video game (I am already planning for cold weather and 4 kids stuck in the house...eeep!) I got rid of lots of extra toys that the kids didn't really play with much but ended up strewn about the house and required too much effort on my part (cleaning or getting the kids to clean) them up. I am even getting rid of clothes that clog the kids' drawers. They have more than they really need and I am pretty good at doing laundry frequently that they never seem to get to the bottom layer of clothes in the drawer before the clean clothes are washed and put back on top of them. I have cleaned off my side table from the stacks of books I had sitting there waiting for me to read. It got to the point where I became stressed out just to look at them. Now I have my bible and my current escape, Diana Gabaldon's latest Outlander saga An Echo in the Bone. (LOVE that series!!)

I have a bag of clothes waiting for the next clothes exchange party that my friend puts on every six months or so. We all take clothes/accessories and lay them out to trade, try on and take home. The left overs go to a women's shelter or salvation army.
In simplifying and paring down, I am also adding a new element that I plan with great hope to maintain: blogging. I have always appreciated my friends; blogs and have envied the fact that they have taken the time to write and record this part of their life. I haven't given it priority but now will. Life gets so complicated and filled with clutter and distractions but there are things worth investing time in. My goal is to simplify my house and life so that I can spend more time doing what is most important: drinking wine and reading a good book by myself. Oh whoops! I mean taking care of, spending time with and loving my husband and children.

Sparrow's Nest

Friday, October 10, 2008
Why the Sparrow's Nest?
For years the biblical passage Psalm 84 has been a source of strength and courage for me. I have often read it and and wept as it spoke to my very heart. I am going to copy it here for you to read.

"How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

"Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself and her young - a place near your alter, O Lord Almighty, my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength till each appears before God in Zion.

"Hear my prayer O Lord God Almighty; listen to me O God of Jacob. Look upon our sheild O God; look with favor on your annointed one.

Better is one day in your courts than a than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked."



Everytime I feel stuck in my life or hopeless that certain circumstances will never change or when I feel weary and depressed, I turn to this verse and am reminded that my Father sees me and loves me. I find I am often brought to tears when I get to the part about the swallows and the sparrows. I have always identified with these creatures and even more so since becoming a mother. These birds are small, delicate creations. The image of them building a tiny nest near the alter of the Lord is tremendous. That little bird and her family are safer there than anywhere else. Lord, give me faith to follow you and know that you have my best interest in mind. Thank you for showing me your hand in the daily events of my life.

Germs

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Germs..They are everywhere. I know that bacteria are both good and bad for us. We need bacteria in our bodies in order to accomplish many functions....one of the most basic being digestion. Right now I am freaked out about germs everywhere. I feel I’ve become Bob Wylie from What About Bob. I have the urge to use kleenex to open all sorts of public and private doors. I am fearful that any minor illness I have is a result of being infected with M.R.S.A. (A currently famous drug resistant bacteria that is on the rise). I have been washing my hands many, many times a day even after doing such dirty things such as wiping my hands on the kitchen dish cloth...which is for wiping your hands on of course. I have been overly sterilizing things both at work and at home. Frankly, much of my time has been wasted cleaning or thinking and worrying about cleaning since Monday. What happened Monday you might ask? Well, a guy was hired to come to my surgical practice and do our infection control training and make sure our facilities were OSHA compliant. Between all of his crass humor and political jokes, he told us all of the terrible things that can happen if we come in contact with bad bacteria. We all sat around with our jaws gaping open while he told horror stories of how one dental assistant didn’t sterilize dental/surgical instruments for 2 months and they were rusty and bloody on the sterile surgical trays ready for using in peoples’ mouths. He told us in minute detail what happens to your body when you get certain bugs in your nose and then your brain. He told us how a women recently was in the paper for getting bumped with a grocery cart and ended up with her leg amputated by the end of the week due to contact with M.R.S.A.
I am usually the type of person to not care if my baby eats a cracker or even a piece of cheese that fell on a not clean (but not filthy) floor. What happened to the times when it was ok for us to ingest a little bad bacteria in order for us to build a strong immune system? It is not like me to be this germ phobic and I am sort of laughing at myself as I have these overwhelming impulses to walk around touching things with my elbows only. What kind of life is that? They’ll be calling me the little old Elbow Lady and I’ll live in the run down shack on the corner.
I need to get over this phobia.

The Hoffman Compound

My home is currently different from many other households in our community (though not very different from many households world wide). This roof covers my immediate family members (John, myself and our three children), as well as my parents-in-law and their two adult children. That's 9 Hoffmans! We are very comfortable however and have plenty of personal space. There are 5 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms. The living area is relatively spacious with a greatroom containing the livingroom, dining area and kitchen. Everyone makes an effort to keep the community rooms clean and uncluttered.

So far, the Great Experiment (that we've been discussing and thinking about for some time now) is seemingly successful. Sharing the burden of meal making and cleaning up has been truly blissful. Imagine (all you moms out there), making dinner and eating and then just getting up and getting the kids into a bath or bed and not even thinking twice about cleaning up from dinner prep and meal time. Also, imagine coming home late from errands on a blustery afternoon with fussy kids only to find a warm house with dinner made and a cup of tea waiting for you. Yeah, pretty fantastic.

Small Kids

So, a few things have happened to me since I last posted. I have gone back to work two days a week which greatly cuts into my down time. Now, when I am home and not at my paying job, I have to do many of the household things that would have been spread out to other times in the week. My time for reading, facebooking, chatting with friends and being with John and the kids is now spent doing laundry, cooking, cleaning and other basic things.
Also, Judah has begun walking and getting into everything. I am running all over the house to keep up with all of their needs. Darragh needs her hair brushed since it hasn't been brushed in a few days and looks like it. I put it off since she has such a sensitive scalp but this doesn't help since it only makes the knots harder to remove. So she is crying while Grace is begging me to do an art project with her (one of her favorite activities) and all the while Judah is off in the house somewhere happily pulling all of the tampons out of the wrappers or crushing cherrios into dust with his index finger (he loves to do this...always with his index finger like he is pushing a button which he also loves to do) and kicking the dust all over while at the same moment spreading the stink of his very stinky diapers (what did her eat garlic snails?) all over the house.
I seem to have a shortage of time for my friends which is hard on me. I NEED my girlfriends. They are a vital part of my survival and my success (when I have it)as a mother. My main girlfriends are moms with small children like me. They know what it is like to have little interrupters that prevent one from having even a short conversation with others. They understand why the name "mommy" can stress one out when it is spoken all day every day. They don't get offended when I'm late for a date because the kids took so long to get out the door because they dipped their shoes in the toilet and cleaned it up with all of the clean washcloths in the house. They KNOW. They can hepl me laugh about what I felt like sobbing over.
I won't lie...mothering three small kids is a tough tough job. But, I love THESE kids with all of myself...they are worth it, our world needs good people and I am trying my best with the help of the Lord (and my girlfriends) to nurture these little saplings so that they may grow into strong oaks.

Horses Horses Horses

So my childhood riding instructor came out of the woodwork several months ago and we reconnected. She is a unique character who always manages to help me see things from a different perspective. She still has a few horses but is not teaching now as she does not have an appropriate place to do so. She invited my family and our friends and their children to come out and have a morning to see the horses and maybe ride a bit. We met them out in Nicasio (West Marin) on the last weekend in January and the weather was beautiful, sunny and warm. She has two horses Mollie and Kojack who are very friendly with small people and not easily startled. The four girls who range in age from almost three to just turned five were able to groom, lead around, feed and ride the horses! Claudia and her husband Jim were great with the kids. Claudia has a way of treating the kids with respect as well as teaching them the ways of caring for and respecting the animals. She always made sure that the girls felt ok with everything they did. Before they got onto the horse she would lean down and looking into their face ask the "do you want to get on the horse? You don't need to do it for anyone else. This is for you. Do you want to ride?" The girls would think for a second and nod solemnly.
She had them ride bare back so that they had an understanding of what they were doing. She thinks that a saddle separates too much the rider from the horse and that kids should start off bareback so they understand more that they are riding an animal and that the animal feels them on their back.
We had a lovely time and it was great to see the kids warm up to the big creatures. Grace had a natural way with them that was pleasant to see. Darragh, who was too timid at first to ride, chose to ride in the end. Her favorite part was feeding them alfalfa though. Here are some pictures from the day.